De-escalation through Verbal Judo: Tips for Keeping Your Cool

De-escalation is a critical skill in security and law enforcement, and Verbal Judo provides practical techniques for achieving it. By employing the right words and tone, you can defuse a volatile situation before it turns violent. Here are some tips for keeping your cool and using Verbal Judo to de-escalate conflict.

1. Stay Calm: The first rule of de-escalation is to stay calm. When you’re confronted with a confrontational person, it’s easy to become defensive or angry, but that will only escalate the situation. Instead, take a deep breath and remain calm.
2. Listen: The second rule of de-escalation is to listen. People who are upset want to be heard. By listening actively and showing empathy, you can defuse their anger and reduce their resistance.
3. Use “I” Statements: When you’re talking to someone who is angry, it’s important to use “I” statements. For example, “I understand that you’re upset” or “I can see that you’re frustrated.” Using “I” statements shows that you are taking responsibility for your own feelings and are not blaming the other person.
4. Show Respect: Even if you disagree with someone’s point of view, it’s essential to show respect for their opinion. By acknowledging their point of view, you can build rapport and create a more positive dialogue.
5. Avoid Trigger Words: Certain words and phrases can trigger a defensive or aggressive response in people. Avoid using words like “calm down” or “relax,” which can be seen as dismissive or patronizing.
6. Use Open-Ended Questions: Open-ended questions are questions that cannot be answered with a simple yes or no. By asking open-ended questions, you encourage the other person to talk and express their feelings.
7. Repeat Back: Repeat back what the other person has said to show that you understand their perspective. This is called reflective listening, and it can help to defuse anger and reduce resistance.
8. Find Common Ground: Look for areas of agreement or common ground with the other person. By focusing on what you have in common, you can build rapport and reduce tension.
9. Use Positive Language: Use positive language whenever possible. For example, instead of saying “That’s not going to work,” say “Let’s try this instead.” Positive language creates a more optimistic and collaborative tone.
10. Stay Solution-Focused: Finally, keep the conversation focused on finding a solution. By staying solution-focused, you can move the conversation forward and work toward a positive outcome.

De-escalation through Verbal Judo is a valuable skill for security professionals. By staying calm, listening actively, using “I” statements, showing respect, avoiding trigger words, using open-ended questions, repeating back, finding common ground, using positive language, and staying solution-focused, you can defuse volatile situations and maintain a safe and secure environment.